Flat Hat editors hit the links for Campus Golf

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After a sad, terrible and disgusting rainout Feb. 16, it changed into no wonder that the powers-that-be moved Campus Golf to Mar. Sixteen — the day earlier than St. Patrick’s Day. The Flat Hat’s Campus Golf groups traveled from Campus Center’s damp, asbestos-crammed basement to the sunny and muddy Sunken Garden, a golf direction that rivals — supersedes, even — the Professional Golfers’ Association Championships’ venue of choice this 12 months: Bethpage Black Course on Long Island. The teams had been immediately greeted using the blaring audio system, screaming Kappa Delta contributors, adults in full costumes and so many rogue tennis balls.

Competing first for The Flat Hat have been the paper’s very personal freshman editors: Team Sports. Having watched about hours of golfing between them, the freshman editors have been wonderful they had mastered the ins and outs of the sport itself.

 

This assumption became fast proved wrong, while, out of nowhere, Sports Editor Gavin Aquin ’22 sustained a wrist injury trying to chip a ball from the concrete. His early life schooling in golf had failed him. Truly he deserved the injustice of having to play golf with a right-hand membership, putting back the development of left-passed rights with the aid of nearly four and three-quarters centuries. “Our caddy stated I could use a left-passed membership, but I didn’t need to make her stroll all the manner throughout the Sunken Garden,” Aquin said. “My moderate-natured Nevadan personality jeopardized what must have been an easy sweep of the green and the uncultured. I blame the humidity.”

Sports Editor Avery Lackner ’22 and Variety Editor Zoe Beardsley ’22 battled it out for 2nd the complete game, but ultimately Zoe’s incapacity to putt along with her eyes closed proved a mountain that becomes too massive to triumph over. “I bet if you requested Tiger Woods to putt along with his eyes closed he might be horrific at it too,” Beardsley stated. “So, in experience, I’m just as excellent at golf as Tiger Woods.”

Even though Avery endured in defeating Zoe and Gavin, nobody on the group ought to get close to David Lefkowitz’s ’22 mastery of the Campus Golf path. A late addition, Lefkowitz played as though he had practiced for years, setting an (unconfirmed) William and Mary Campus Golf document. When requested how he carried out this sort of masterful performance, Lefkowitz turned into very clear. “I ought to credit score my mentor and educate, Ty Webb,” Lefkowitz stated. “I noticed him within the documentary ‘Caddyshack’ and without delay knew he could be capable of taking my recreation to the subsequent level, that is precisely what he did!”

“I turned into so extremely disappointed using this,” Lackner stated. “After a year of victory for the Boston Red Sox, I thought that I too could be a winner. However, I was now not a winner. I am from Texas. Yes, I did have to inform everyone that, it’s inside the I’m From Texas handbook.” Not to be forgotten, Team Old People placed up an outstanding performance as nicely. Despite having to address arthritis added on by using their superior age, they succeeded in succeeding. The least elderly member of the crew, most effective recently accomplishing the age of retirement, Kevin Richeson ‘20 discovered himself in a sticky state of affairs. After being bitten using a radioactive squirrel, Richeson becomes cursed with a life-time of wearing in his head a database of all-encompassing know-how of everything from birdies to lob wedges. Since with first-rate power comes high-quality duty, naturally, he needed to explain for to every tipsy golfer that he noticed — well, how to inform the distinction among an eagle and an elbow. “For a few purposes, most people appeared irritated that I become a speaker to them about golf. However I didn’t let that stop me,” Richeson said. For Kiana Espinoza ’19, Campus Golf provided itself as the correct possibility for her to go complete Abuelita and deal with anyone who turned into unlucky enough to be hit by a tennis ball. “All those unfortunate children are becoming hit using tennis balls,” Espinoza stated. “As the matron of the Flat Hat intern children, I can’t stand for this wanton violence.” As the former Sports Editor, Alyssa Grzesiak ’20 has visible some things in her tenure on the paper. “Back in my day, Campus Golf became even extra violent,” Grzesiak said. “The tennis balls might come from the bushes, the trees, and attack everybody and everything. I once saw a squirrel eaten alive using a tennis ball. My existence hasn’t been equal since.” Jack Bowden ’19 determined to wait for Campus Golf if you want to revel in his retirement years. After spending time as a washed-out flesh-presser, he just needed to hit the direction. “I have committed my lifestyles to the public provider,” Bowden said. “As the most student of Student Assembly constitutional regulation, I count on to sooner or later be called to teach at the William and Mary School of Law. Until that day comes, you’ll discover me at the Sadler Center Country Club.” At this time, no longer a lot is thought approximately Team Looked Very Lost’s performance. However Heather Baier ’20 controlled to complete the course and locate her way lower back to the workplace — which turned into a miracle in and of itself, but we are proud of her. She even was given second place! However, the maximum critical contribution to the Flat Hat’s Campus Golf efforts this season is that of Sarah Smith’s ’19 function as MVP Caddy Supreme. Lugging golfing golf equipment and tennis balls across the Sunken Garden, she oozed the utmost sorority-lady overenthusiasm no matter the effect that being former Editor-in-Chief and Senioritis has had on her — basically, she is guilty on all counts of being a woman Barack Obama. A second term all people? “I ought to deny all of the rumors,” stated Smith. “I will not be seeking reelection in 2019. In reality, simply let me graduate already.”